Shit my mom says

Lots of people tell me I'm funny. And I thank you for that. If you know me at all, you know how much I enjoy making others laugh. But if you think I'm funny, you should spend time with my mother. Now that is one funny cookie. I most certainly get my humor from her. And so, this entry is dedicated to the random shit my mom says!

As most of you know, I went to my reunion this past weekend and my mom was not shy about telling me what she thought... in her funny way of course. I told her that I was excited to see people and I kind of compared it to the movie Carrie. You know when she gets asked to the prom and she is suddenly popular? Well, my mom turned it back on me and reminded of how that film ends..... she gets pig blood dumped on her head and everyone laughs. My mother looked at me and said (just like the mom from Carrie) "They're all gonna laugh at you!". A little something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nV_0oQDiRA

So after that little smart ass comment, I get ready to leave and walk out the door. Before I do, she stops me and tells me that after her 5 year reunion she swore she would never go back because no one had changed and they were all the same stuck up bitches and douche bags they were in high school. So I just stare at her and say, "Ok, well I'm leaving now". And her response was, "You're gonna have a terrible time". We couldn't help but burst out laughing! Most people encourage their children and tell them to have fun where ever they may go. Nope. Not my mom. But I love her. P.S. I did NOT have a terrible, time.... quite the opposite of that actually. 


My mother also likes to talk about OUR baby, Elvis. When we first adopted him, he liked to lick his ass quite often. We assume it was a comfort thing because he rarely does that any more. Maybe he just realized that his ass tasted like.....well... ass. So she was talking to my aunt about it and was trying to describe how LOUD he gets. She summed it up like this, "I can sleep through thunderstorms, but I can't sleep through ass lickin's". Really mom? You are ridiculous. She also threw out this comment, "His ass is like a timex watch. It takes a lickin, and keeps on tickin'". My mom is too cool for school.


So my ABSOLUTE favorite quote comes from when she was at the dentist and was talking to her hygienist about something and she decided to tell me about the conversation. She started by saying, "So I was talking to Krista. My hynecologist....". I stopped her and asked, "What?". To which she angrily replied (as if I was SUPPOSED to know what the hell she was talking about) "Krista! My hynecologist! You know.... the lady who cleans my teeth!". I still give her shit for that one. 


Let's end with how my mother answers a joke:
Me: "What has rings, but no fingers?"
Mom: "Uranus? ... At least I hope there are no fingers in uranus."
Me: "Ummmm... no. A telephone....".


Hope you can pick up on my mom's humor. Sometimes it's all in HOW she says it and I only think it's funny here because I can picture her saying it..... anyway.... it's a glimpse inside my life so you nosy bitches should be happy for a while! ;) If you have any suggestions for blog topics, just let me know!