Balls In My Face

This might come as a surprise to most of you, but I have never been... how do I put this..... athletically gifted. Quite the opposite really. I used to want to be able to play sports, but a minute later I came to my senses and realized I was meant for better things... like sitting in front of a computer, sharing my deepest most intimate secrets with you... a bunch of weirdos.

My mom was always trying to get me to do stuff and not just be a lump. Now, I liked playing outside and having fun, but the concept of organized sports and interacting with other people didn't exactly thrill me. Even at the age of five. For several years, I was in tumbling/gymnastics classes, but that didn't last too long. I think maybe 3 or 4 years. To tell you the truth, I only stuck it out that long because at a certain performance we got to wear these arm covers with tassels. Needless to say, I'm a gal who digs tassels... of all varities if you catch my drift *boobie tassels*. It didn't help that before every performance I was hit with a crippling bought of stage fright and had to turn to my number one helper.... pepto bismol. Oh look... I just happen to have a picture of me in the outfit I stuck around for:

I certainly thought I was hot shit in the moonlight with those things on! Look at that girl work it!! I also found a picture of how serious I took my athletic ability:

There's a sexy bitch right there for ya! I'm pretty sure I still make that face! And as always, dad is laughing at my immaturity, while my mom has to be the adult! 

So then there was also the summer of t-ball at palace playground. Boy, was I miserable with that one. Hot, dusty fields, screaming children, and running. Ugh. It disgusts me just thinking about it! It was terrible. I remember being the only girl on my team (which according to my mother isn't true). Maybe I was already boy crazy at that age too, and totally disregarded those other bitches. I found a picture of me from t-ball:

Don't let that smile fool you. I was very unhappy. The smile is only because right before this picture was taken, my mom said that I could quit t-ball.

So lets get to the part about balls in my face. Probably not the ones you were hoping for because you are all perverts. 

I noticed that my face had a magnetic pull for all sorts of balls in grade school. It didn't matter what kind of ball or what sport it was for, the ball had an uncanny way of finding its way straight for my face. Unfortunately, I was not equipped with the cat like reflexes I have now and so my face took quite the beating (that sounded very dirty and sorry, but I'm not sorry). It mostly happened in gym class when we played kick ball. Oh yeah, and dodge ball. Now, I'm not gonna say that the other kids specifically aimed for my face, but if I was into conspiracy theories I would look into it further. Maybe they DID aim for my face. Perhaps they were just jealous of how my beauty matched my sparkling personality. Franky, I don't blame them. If I was better at throwing a ball, there are several people from grade school I wouldn't mind hitting in the face with a very sharp, spike-y ball. But I'll be the bigger person and let karma take care of that. Any who. It got to the point where I would just bench myself even if I wasn't tagged out so that I could save myself from the agony of a ball to the face. Come to think of it, I did that for a lot of "games" we played in gym. Did I mention I hate playing organized sports. BUT I do have to throw out there that I would LOVE to watch a boyfriend play *insert any sport here*!! Nothing hotter than a man taking a ball or puck to the face! Wait, what? Never mind. 

I guess it's not just balls that have an attraction to my face because there was that one time with the shoe. We were playing kick ball and I'm pretty sure I was either in line to kick or up to kick when out of nowhere someones shoe comes flying at me. I was pretty used to flying object coming towards my head at this point and was able to duck out of the way before it hit my face. It still baffles me how it wasn't me in the outfield (I don't even know if I'm using these terms correctly) trying to catch the ball that was being kicked and instead their shoe flies off. Like, why was it when I was up to kick. I guess that's another one for those of you that are into conspiracy theories.

Ok, and here comes my rant portion of the blog. Why were people SO competitive in school. Really? Calm down! It's a frickin' GYM class!! The world isn't gonna end because I didn't catch that kick ball after it hit me in the face. I think that's part of the reason I hated gym/sports so much. I hated the competition. The only competition I like is FRIENDLY competition. Not the kind where I get yelled at for "not trying hard enough". Bitch please. I'll play as hard as I want. And frankly, this game of badminton is not on a priority. 

Long story short, I developed my cat like reflexes and (for the most part) have been able to dodge things flying at my face. Don't even think of testing out those skills like the asshole I know you are by throwing something at my head. I will be forced to show you what I learned in Girl Scouts (which is what I devoted my time to instead of sports). I'll open a can of whoop-ass all over you. 

Piece of My Heart

My last couple of posts have been of the humor variety, but I think it's time to get serious for a moment and share with you what is currently going on in my life. It is not all sunshine, rainbows, and lollipops. No, in fact there are no lollipops or candy of any kind.... which would make any normal person freak out. (Unless you don't like candy, which if that's the case, please leave and never come back. You are no friend of mine). Any who, I guess I was getting to the serious mumbo jumbo.

Well, as most of you know, my family has encountered it's fair share of challenges, and this is just one more that we will face together. You see, for  a while now, my uncle has faced some serious health issues and is once again faced with a major health crisis. He was diagnosed with CHF (congestive heart failure) a while ago and, maybe because I am a nurse and know how serious the disease is, just put that diagnosis on the back burner and didn't realize how ill he truly was. That was until several weeks ago. He went to the doctor and they told him he had but months to live. UNLESS they took drastic measures. Drastic, as in a heart transplant. A heart transplant. You know, where they cut out his old heart (so during the surgery he won't even have a freaking heart inside his body), and put in a new one.... well not new... "previously owned"... you know, I'm not really sure of the proper terminology here. The thing is, he can't just get on the list for a new heart. He has to qualify. And for that to happen, he needs to have a different surgery to prolong his life so that he can have the heart transplant. Hopefully all the tests he is going through will come out with good news so that he can have the first surgery.

I can only imagine what he, my aunt, and cousin are going through because I know I am having a difficult time coping with this news. Primarily because he has been the father figure in my life for so long and I don't know what I would do if I lost another person so very important to me. It has also been very VERY difficult being so far away while all this is going on. I feel like I could be doing more for my family if I was back in the cities.  I mean, what good is it having a nurse in the family if I am hundreds of miles away. In reality, I probably couldn't be doing much more than what I'm doing here, but at least I would have that peace of mind. It's something I struggle with a lot. I just want to be there with my family, figuring out things together. I just wish there was something more I could do... Truth is- I'm scared shit-less. Scared for my uncle, for my family, for my sanity. I mean, a person can only handle so many losses. I wish I could explain to you how truly terrified I am, but there are no words. The only thing I can do is stay positive, hope for the best, and take comfort in the fact that he is seeing doctors in the top of their field. I DO have to say that through all of this, my uncle has most certainly not lost that spark! He keeps smiling and making people laugh and I absolutely love spending time with him. He is probably the funniest person in the family and if I can make HIM laugh, then I feel just freaking fantastic. I'm just thankful that he is still the comedic genius in the family... well, genius might be a stretch ;) Humor has, and will ALWAYS be my family's favorite coping mechanism!

In the long run, I know this scary and uncertain adventure will do what it always does- bring this family even closer together. Moments like this open your eyes to the important things in life. They also help you see through those insignificant thoughts and worries. Life could always be worse.

Sorry if this wasn't the type of blog you were expecting, but I just couldn't keep these feelings inside anymore. Thanks for reading.

Shit my mom says

Lots of people tell me I'm funny. And I thank you for that. If you know me at all, you know how much I enjoy making others laugh. But if you think I'm funny, you should spend time with my mother. Now that is one funny cookie. I most certainly get my humor from her. And so, this entry is dedicated to the random shit my mom says!

As most of you know, I went to my reunion this past weekend and my mom was not shy about telling me what she thought... in her funny way of course. I told her that I was excited to see people and I kind of compared it to the movie Carrie. You know when she gets asked to the prom and she is suddenly popular? Well, my mom turned it back on me and reminded of how that film ends..... she gets pig blood dumped on her head and everyone laughs. My mother looked at me and said (just like the mom from Carrie) "They're all gonna laugh at you!". A little something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nV_0oQDiRA

So after that little smart ass comment, I get ready to leave and walk out the door. Before I do, she stops me and tells me that after her 5 year reunion she swore she would never go back because no one had changed and they were all the same stuck up bitches and douche bags they were in high school. So I just stare at her and say, "Ok, well I'm leaving now". And her response was, "You're gonna have a terrible time". We couldn't help but burst out laughing! Most people encourage their children and tell them to have fun where ever they may go. Nope. Not my mom. But I love her. P.S. I did NOT have a terrible, time.... quite the opposite of that actually. 


My mother also likes to talk about OUR baby, Elvis. When we first adopted him, he liked to lick his ass quite often. We assume it was a comfort thing because he rarely does that any more. Maybe he just realized that his ass tasted like.....well... ass. So she was talking to my aunt about it and was trying to describe how LOUD he gets. She summed it up like this, "I can sleep through thunderstorms, but I can't sleep through ass lickin's". Really mom? You are ridiculous. She also threw out this comment, "His ass is like a timex watch. It takes a lickin, and keeps on tickin'". My mom is too cool for school.


So my ABSOLUTE favorite quote comes from when she was at the dentist and was talking to her hygienist about something and she decided to tell me about the conversation. She started by saying, "So I was talking to Krista. My hynecologist....". I stopped her and asked, "What?". To which she angrily replied (as if I was SUPPOSED to know what the hell she was talking about) "Krista! My hynecologist! You know.... the lady who cleans my teeth!". I still give her shit for that one. 


Let's end with how my mother answers a joke:
Me: "What has rings, but no fingers?"
Mom: "Uranus? ... At least I hope there are no fingers in uranus."
Me: "Ummmm... no. A telephone....".


Hope you can pick up on my mom's humor. Sometimes it's all in HOW she says it and I only think it's funny here because I can picture her saying it..... anyway.... it's a glimpse inside my life so you nosy bitches should be happy for a while! ;) If you have any suggestions for blog topics, just let me know!

 

Call me maybe?

I was FINALLY able to come home to St. Paul this weekend for my 5 year high school reunion, and what a weekend it has been! I just wish that drive wasn't such a bitch. It's about a 4 hour drive (3 and a half if you speed). But for some reason, this drive didn't seem so terrible. Maybe it was because I rocked out to some great tunes like "Girls just want to have fun" and "Bohemian Rhapsody". Oh, not to mention the small little fact that before I left Fargo, I decided to put my hair in foam rollers so that I'd look hot as hell at reunion that night. Well let me tell you, I may not have thought that one all the way through. I realize now that other people can actually see IN TO my car, just as I can see out. Imagine that. So there I was, driving to the cities, rocking out to music, windows down, with my hair in rollers. I happened to look over at one point and saw an older woman driving next to me. Blond. With a mullet. Yeah, straight up mullet. Picture Dog the Bounty Hunter and that's what kind of hair AND hair style she had. This cool cat had the balls to give me and my rollers a dirty look! Ummmm.... HELLO! You are the one with the mullet!! What a crazy person. And then I had to stop for gas at some small town in Minnesota in the middle of nowhere. Of course it just happened to be the busiest time at that only gas station. So there I was, pumping gas, looking like I had escaped from the beauty shop from hell. At least I had my Goonies t-shirt on to make me look cool.
As I got closer to the cities (about 20 mins from home) I ended up in bumper to bumper traffic. Looking fabulous in those rollers. Oh well, though. I traded what little self respect I had left, for some curly hair.

So the reunion!! What a fabulous time!! I talked to so many people and got to see certain people that I hadn't seen since forever ago! It was lovely to catch up and to just chat with random people that I had never really gotten a chance to talk to in high school. I got to talking with an old friend and we both figured out why coming to the reunion was so important. For me, it was a chance to finally be the person I had always wanted to be... the person that people never got a chance to see back then. I was more confident this time, less shy (although that's still something I struggle with), but most importantly- more open to experience something.... anything. I guess you could say I was sheltered in high school, afraid to leave that comfort zone of friends and familiarity. It wasn't until I was forced to face the end of high school that I realized I had missed out on getting to know more people,and for them to see the real me. And by then it was too late. I can honestly say that after last night, all those regrets suddenly melted away. I laughed and joked with new people finally stepped forth from that bubble I was once trapped in. I wish it wasn't another 5 years until the next reunion. I didn't get a chance to talk to everyone I wanted, but I suppose that's what facebook is for right? It's either that or stare from across the room trying to build up that courage to go talk to that one person. I wish all my  courage didn't pour out on the internet. Why can't some of that translate into my daily life. I guess I do have a regret about last night. I wish I would have had the courage to go up and talk to someone instead of being all shy and what not. The thing is, I had every intention of chatting up this person if they were there, but once I saw that he was, my brain pulled one of these:

But it's ok. Because there's always facebook. Right? Call me maybe? ... or text me. I'm super awkward on the phone ;)

All in all it was a great time and I'm so thrilled I was able to go! PLUS some very kind things were said about this very blog, which inflated my ego slightly and made me feel like a celebrity! It's only a matter of time before the paparazzi start following me! Just kidding... not really.

So thanks for reading! You have inspired me to keep doing what I'm doing and you make it all worth it. THANKS!! I'll think of some more embarrassing tales to keep you entertained!

Suddenly, I'm craving oatmeal

I was finally able to skype with my aunt, who had gone over to my mom's house this past weekend. And what do I do? I make fun of her. She was wearing her glasses because she couldn't get her contacts in due to some eye issues. Instead of being caring and nice, I gave her shit about wearing glasses. BUT before you judge me, you have to know. Her glasses were HUGE!! Like... 1982 called and wants those glasses back! So then I told her that she was wearing the same glasses in her senior picture from high school. My mom just happened to have it near by and pulled it out. Yeah.... same glasses. Same size. Her defense was that the frames back then were plastic. Sorry, it still counts. Same glasses. I am such a horrible person. 

If you are still reading, I just have to tell you.... this entry is full of randomness. Read on if you dare.

So this one time, at band camp... Ok, so NOT at band camp, but a while ago, I had a very serious disease. This disease is known as...... chickenpox. Please talk amongst yourselves while I sob. Anyway, I had the pox. And you know how they say that it is soothing to the pox to soak in oats? Well, I was miserable (and I'm pretty sure my mom was willing to try anything to shut her bitching kid up) so my mom decided to draw me a bath (Why is it called "drawing" a bath??).

 Yeah, I am a MASTER at paint.

Any who....  my mom filled the tub and added some oatmeal. Yep. We had a bathtub full of oatmeal. You know how some people make moonshine/alcohol in their bathtub? It was kind of like that except instead of something good, our bathtub was filled with oatmeal.... probably the brown sugar kind cuz that's the only kind I'll eat. She probably used the whole box. So that's what... 8 packets? That ratio sounds about right. 8 packets= bathtub. What a waste, because I took 1 look at it, dipped my big toe in, shuddered, and told her that there was no way I'm getting in that. We ended up eating oatmeal out of the bathtub for a week.

All this talk about food has me hungry.... for some jello. But take it from me- an accomplished chef/baker that making jello is a dangerous activity! You might be thinking, "Jello is the easiest thing to make" or "My 2 year old isn't allowed to touch the stove, but I make an exception when he wants to make jello". I advise you AGAINST this! Let them play with matches instead! I was making some jello for Easter one year. I was stirring it when I heard the microwave go off. I went and leaned on the glass top of our stove and burned the entire length of the side of my hand. Damn jello. Looks so innocent and delicious. FALSE! It is a MONSTER. A sick, masochistic, demon. Watch out jello, we are on to you. 

A very useful blog for you tonight! Let's recap what we have learned:

• 70's- 80's glasses are a fashion DON'T
• 8 packets of oatmeal= 1 bathtub
• I kick ass in Paint
• Jello is the spawn of Satan 

Hope you enjoyed the post! Thanks to Jenny for the inspiration! If anyone else has something interesting to contribute, let me know! Thanks for reading. 

Just call me Molly Ringwald

I think I finally understand all those John Hughes movies featuring Molly Ringwald. Which one? Take your pick. Essentially, they are all the same. Unpopular freak, longing for popularity/acceptance, gets what she wants at the end. Except the movie For Keeps. I don't think she wanted that baby. Anyways! Why bring this bitch up? Cuz like I said, I think I might finally REALLY understand those cheese ball movies! (Although, I really love those cheese ball movie films so shut up).

Let me give you a bit of a back story. A few months back, I received an invitation to my 5 year high school reunion. This prompted a thoughtful blog which can be seen here --> http://marypinkambition.blogspot.com/2012/02/time-flies-when-youre-busy-changing.html

Ok, ok enough of the shameless self-promotion. Any who, after thinking about it, I was like "Why would I EVER go back to see these people? No one liked you then, why would they care to see you again NOW?". My plan was to just let it roll on by without a passing thought. After all, it had only been 5 years. It's not like it's one of those milestone reunions like 20, 30, or 50 years (how old do you think I am??). SO the plan was to just keep my head down and avoid it... like that ex who gave you an STD. Well, that was the original plan. So where is this going? And how the hell does this tie into a Molly Ringwald movie?

Well, you know in the movie Sixteen Candles, how she wants Jake Ryan, but she is just some nobody at the school.... while that dumb popular bitch is busy getting her hair caught in doors. I guess you could say that was me in high school. The nobody who longed to be a part of the popular crowd and to get my very own Jake Ryan (who will remain nameless...... unless you get me really drunk.... just sayin'). She was just another face in the crowd, as was I. To be honest, I was surprised when people knew my name. Not that they would actually talk to me or anything! Well, I guess there were some differences between Molly and myself. For example, I never gave my panties to a nerd who then charged a dollar to see them. The guy I gave MY panties to charged TWO dollars. Enough about my panties, you horn dogs.

So I ended up changing my mind. Well, I didn't change it. It was sort of changed for me when several people from high school told me that I had better be at that reunion! People, I thought, who had no idea I even existed. And to tell me I'm funny! Now that is dangerous! Everyone knows I have the ego of Charlie Sheen, and then to hear these nice things from "Popular" peeps! Holy shit! Imagine a room full of Charlie Sheens! No. Don't do that. That sounds terrible. Maybe more like a room full of George Clooneys. Cuz he acts all modest and what not, but you can just tell that he is a smug bastard. Anyways, needless to say, now I'm doing my damnedest to get there. At the moment, I have to work, but am doing my best to find someone to cover my shift.

So in the end, maybe people WILL actually remember me and won't think of me as that random chick who sat in the link. Maybe my very own Jake Ryan is just around the corner! Doubtful, but I guess you never know. Again, pass the booze if you want details.

So random thought- I was talking to my mom about it and she was like "Well, who are you going to go with?". Cuz my mom doesn't think I have friends. And I told her, "I guess I'll go by myself". To which she exclaimed, "And walk in by yourself". Yeah, I guess so...... maybe I'll pre-game it so I don't care! 

It's all good. Cuz apparently people like me, they really like me. Down George Clooney. Back to your island. Anyways- maybe I'll see some of you readers in a few short weeks. Maybe not. It's all up to destiny. 

Stay classy, friends.

Leggings: NOT PANTS

My rant for the day is about girls (and guys) who think leggings suffice as pants. Well, I've got news for you! THEY DON'T! They are meant to be worn IN ADDITION to something, such as a skirt or a dress...... and if you really want to stretch it, a very baggy top. A top so baggy that it is long enough to be a dress. Please don't wear a dressy, short top with a pair of leggings..... that is, unless you want me to punch you in your whore face! Cuz I will cut a bitch! For some reason, today in Fargo was "wear leggings wrong to piss Mary off day". Maybe it was because I was at walmart...... in Fargo...... I seem to have found a correlation. Here are some great ways to wear leggings...... (because I wanted to show you my new super cute leggings! AND new top! AND sexy shoes!)

New Leopard top with new lace leggings



New lace leggings

New top, skirt, and leggings

CUTE shoes!!

A spoon full of sugar

I recently took an online quiz that told you why you are single. I don't think it was very accurate. It told me that I was intimidating to the men around me and that I should rein myself in a bit if I wanted to find a man. I disagree. I think it's because men are repulsed by my awkward self. I'm kidding. Everyone knows I'm a bitchin' lady with the rack that rocks! No, but seriously. I want to know what is so wrong with me that I am as single as a dollar bill! But have no worries my readers. This is NOT one of THOSE posts. I just thought those results were funny. Me- intimidating. Don't make me laugh. Ha. Ha.

I think this would be a good time to answer some of the questions I have received! Sit back and enjoy!

1.) What's your favorite part about Fargo?

I really like how everything is so close to everything else. It seems like anything you could possibly want is within 15 minutes of each other. Being a paranoid, directionally challenged person, this makes my life SOOOO much easier! I do really miss home and can't wait to move home, but for the time being, I am satisfied with my new (temporary) home!

2.) Did moving away help you to see who your true friends are?

Most definitely!! You learn fairly quickly who is there for you, regardless of distance. Some of them were surprising, while others weren't that shocking. I consider myself a pretty good judge of character (especially after all the life events I have gone through) and you tend to see those qualities in people that make them the true friends. Like helping someone move in. Or helping them go to the store and purchase large electronics that would not fit in your car. Or driving 200+ miles to see someone. Usually you just know, but there are moments when you get a true look at a person's character.

3.) Where would your ideal place to meet the man of your dreams be?

Well, considering Zak Bagans lives in Vegas...... I'll say Vegas! Haha! In all honesty, I don't really have a certain place. At this point I would like to meet a man ANYWHERE!! St. Paul, Fargo, Vegas, Ireland, Texas, anywhere!

4.) What are you listening to RIGHT NOW?

I'm listening to music as I write this and as I type this, Bloody Mary by Lady Gaga is ending and Take Good Care of My Baby by Bobby Vee is starting :)

5.) Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Ummmmmm........ maybe. That is all.

6.) Do you like yourself?

Depends on the day, I guess. Some days I feel great about myself and where I'm going in life, but then there are the bad days. The days were I can't look at myself in a mirror without feeling like a failure because I don't look a certain way, couldn't find a job closer to home, don't have a boyfriend.... Why can't you be prettier, less awkward, less anxious.... skinnier... We all have our moments though, right? As long as the good days out number the bad.

7.) Have you ever met a celebrity?

The only person I have met is Jared Allen. I don't think you can really call him a celebrity, but that's as close as I have come. There really haven't been any opportunities for me to rub shoulders with the rich and famous.

8.) Do you currently like someone (not famous)?

Yes I do. I will not say his name due to the fact that he 1-doesn't know (although I think he kinda does) 2-doesn't want to know 3-wouldn't go out with me anyway.

9.) Is anyone interested in you right now?

Nope. If you know anyone, SEND HIM MY WAY! Unlike that stupid quiz, I am NOT intimidating. I may have a hard candy coating but underneath is a shy, delicate girl with feelings.

10.) Are you mean?

Mean? No. Honest? Yes. Sometimes the truth hurts, whether we like it or not. I've had my feelings hurt by the truth, but eventually you can see the truth behind the hurt and you pick yourself up and keep going. I'm not going to apologize for telling you like it is, especially when you need to hear it. That being said, I would never say it in a "mean" way. The other person might hear it like that, but I never intend for it to sound as though it is being thrown in their face.

11.) Do you like talking on the phone?

NO!!!!!!! I HATE IT!! That's why 9 times out of 10 if you call me, you will most likely get my voice mail. I am REALLY REALLY awkward on the phone!! And it's not just my friends, it's my family too! I can't call anyone!! Except my mom. You are better off texting me. I guess as long as you realize that I am awkward as shit, you can call me. Just know that it will be the most uncomfortable call of your life with me saying "So, yeah" a lot!

12.) What was the last thing that made you cry?

I skyped with my mom today and I was nervous because she had taken Elvis to the vet. He had some lumps underneath his skin and then a few days ago, my mom found a growth. I was really nervous to skype with her because I was afraid it would be bad news. Especially since my aunt just found out that her doggy has cancer :( Thankfully, everything was just fine and the growth is just a wart like thing and the lump is just a fatty pocket (fat boy!). What made me cry was the fact that as they were getting ready to leave the vet's office, he noticed how Elvis kept looking up at my mom and he said to her "I can see he is very attached to you". It made me cry because I miss him so much and I don't want him to forget about me. We do skype all the time (Elvis and I), but it's not the same. I can't play with him and he can't give me a hug. I can't even begin to tell you how much I miss that dog. But that's another story for another blog.

Thanks for reading! Remember, if you have any questions or topics for a blog post, PLEASE send them in!

Time flies when you're busy changing

So, you know those moments in life where reality sneaks up on you and, out of nowhere, yells "SURPRISE!" ? Yeah, well I just had one of those moments! I just got an invite for my 5 year high school reunion! All I can think is HOLY SCHNIKES!! 5 years already?!?!?!?! Where did the time go?? And that's when I got to thinking. Thinking about the person I was back in high school, the experiences I've had then and now, and the person who I am today.

Looking back, I have realized that I have grown into a different person than the high school me. You know that saying, "If I only knew then what I know now" ? That is very applicable to me, and maybe that's why I've changed. As I've gotten older, I've learned what the most important things in life really are, instead of what we think, at the time, are the important things. For every experience I've had, I have taken something away, learned, and grown from it. So let's get on with what I've learned and how I've changed.

Back in high school, I never really fit in anywhere and didn't really feel like I belonged (as most people probably do). I was in the band, but never felt like a "true band kid" or part of the band family. In total honesty, the only reason I wan in band was because it looked good on a college application. Now don't get me wrong. I liked some of the people that were in band and had friends in the band and the directors were great. It just wasn't my thing. I always felt awkward walking into the band room. I wanted to quit sooooo badly! But that's the thing I learned. Just because you may not enjoy everything all the time, doesn't mean you should stop doing it. For instance, nobody likes or enjoys brushing their teeth, but we still do it! It helped me to learn something about myself. I'm not a quitter. I didn't like it then, but I made it through, and didn't quit.

Along with the theme of not fitting in or having a sense of belonging, I guess I would have to say that I didn't really have my own sense of personal identity back then. Maybe it was the uniforms ;) Let's get real for a second. Back then, I cared A LOT about what other people thought of me. I had this vision of what high school would be and what kind of person I wanted to be. I wanted to be popular sooooooo bad. I wanted people to know my name and talk to me in the halls. I wanted guys to ask me out, ask me to homecoming, ask me to the prom. I wanted to be the girl that people really saw, not just that shy, fat girl who never talked in class. But all those things, those wants, those fantasies were just that. Useless wants, wishes, and fantasies. I didn't get any of that. Instead, I got awkward, nameless, just plain old me. A girl who could fade into the shadows and no one would ever notice. I didn't even get to go the prom. No dress. No shoes. No pampering. (Wow, I didn't realize that all these feelings would come rushing back). So let's turn this depressing tale into a positive. Thankfully, I've grown up a lot since then and have come to see how naive I was. Learning to love who I am and figure out just who I am was a long process (and a continuing one). I can't be fully certain of who i am today, but can anyone really know? All I can say is that I am more secure with myself and I don't really care what people think of me (I'm pretty sure the pictures/videos on facebook are proof of that!). I've just learned that I shouldn't live my life based on what other people think. I need to live for myself, and be and do what makes me happy. As far as I know, we only get one life and I don't want want to look back with regrets, wishing I had done more things for myself instead of trying to please others. Long story short, I am who I am and I'm not gonna change to fit YOU'RE ideal of what I should be. If you don't like me, that fine. Your loss. (One question though. If you don't like me, why are you reading my blog? For some reason you still think about me! Caught you!). I like who I am. And I have friends, so I must be doing something right! I like that I can make people laugh. I like that I can openly express my feelings and not be ashamed to cry when I'm sad. I like being able to express myself in a blog that people read. It's a way that I don't feel judged for being me, and I am supported by my readers. I don't know who all the people are that do read my blog, but I would like to say thank you to YOU personally.

Finally, looking back on these last 5 years, I can honestly say that I know what true friendship is. REAL friends are there with you through thick and thin, and don't turn their back on you when things get tough. I am so lucky to have the wonderful friends I have now. I know I say this a lot in my blogs, but it's true. The friends that I have now are the ones who have shown me what true friendship is. I've also learned that there is always a way back to your true friends. No matter how much time has passed, you can (most always) reconnect and rebuild that friendship. Over the years, I've lost touch with a bunch of people from high school. This impending reunion has made me realize how much I miss those friendhsips and how much I want to try and get those back. With that being said, I must reiterate, my favorite friend saying, "Friendship is a two-way street. When it turns into a one-way, it can't work". Effort has to be made by both people, just like in any other relationship. I guess we will see what happens as time goes on.

Things change. People change. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes for the worse. But just remember to learn, move forward, and live your life for you. Don't look back on your life with regrets. Look back and think, "Damn, that was fun!".

It's a four letter word... home

As many of you probably know, I am now a resident of Fargo, North Dakota. I have accepted a nursing position with Sanford and will be starting on February 13th! I am very excited but very nervous. I have been waiting so long to finally start my career as a nurse, but now that it is here, I am nervous! What if I suck?? But it is a new adventure that I'm sure I will enjoy.

I can't even begin to tell you how difficult it was for me to finally make the decision to apply for a position in Fargo. I had lived in St. Paul my entire life and only lived 15 minutes away from home. I realized that the only way I was going to be able to work in a hospital to get the experience I needed was to apply for a job in Fargo. Thankfully I have several amazing friends up here that I knew I would be able to turn to for anything!

The hardest part of the move was saying goodbye to my family and friends. It was especially hard to say goodbye to my baby, Elvis. That morning I left, I could barely see to drive because I was crying over that dog. Stupid dog. Making me get all attached and what not. BUT!! I have already skyped twice with that cutie pie muffin sugar bear!

Ok. So here I am in Fargo. I have to say that it isn't as bad as you might think ;) Everyone has been so friendly and everything is super easy to find! Everything is within 15 minutes of everything! It's nice and easy for this directionally challenged girl! I have been here 5 days and I have finally completely unpacked AND I have decorated/ hung up stuff on my walls! So far, I am loving my apartment! It is nice and quiet (except for that woman with the 2 kids that she lets run down the hall). I haven't even heard my neighbors yet. So I guess I can say I am happy. We'll see if things change on February 13th ;) Until then, here are some pictures of the new place!!!!

Inside the building, the door to my place!

My kitchen

Living room

Hallway- linen closet on the left, storage closet on the right

Powder room

Bedroom



What the hell does that even MEAN??

Happy New Year my lovely readers! I hope your 2012 is off to a wonderful start! Before we start, I have a question that is related to the new year. Well, usually the song "Auld Lang Syne" is sung after the ball drops in New York (shout out to Dick Clark! Woot woot!). WHAT THE HELL IS AN AULD LANG SYNE?? Does anyone really know? Please tell me if you do. I'd like to know what that shit means. 

Now! The fun can begin! This post is all about random questions I've received, so enjoy the randomness that follows!

1.) What are you looking forward to in this new year?

Well, I am hoping that the year will be kind to me first and foremost! I hope that I will be able to start my career as a nurse in the setting that I most desire (a hospital, NOT a nursing home). Also, I hope that 2012 has a passionate love affair planned for me! I'm ready to start writing my love story! In addition, here are some other things that I look forward to:

And get proposed to from Zak, get married, and have his children.... but that was last year's goals also. In all honesty, all I am hoping for is to be happy and content. Maybe learn to love what I have and who I am.

2.) In which time period/era would you like to live in?

This is a tough question because there are so many decades that I would want to be young in! Ideally, I would be a 22 year old girl in the 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's! So I guess I will say born in the 1940's so that I can grow up in the 1950's and am able to enjoy the culture of the 1960's and 1970's! From a very young age I have told my mom that I had been born in the wrong era! I love the music, movies, actors/actresses, and overall culture from the past. People were different back then (some not in a good way), but life seemed simpler back then. No worries about checking facebook, kids could play until dark, toys didn't need warnings on the box, you knew your neighbors, and you could trust more easily. It's funny. As I type this, I am listening to my music.... it has been all "oldies". One word- perfection.

3.) Dead or alive, who would you most like to meet? Why?

Without a doubt, my answer is Marilyn Monroe. There is just something so fascinating about her and I have so many questions for her. In a way, I feel as if I have some sort of connection to her and I would love the opportunity just sit down and chat with her. Get her side of the story instead of speculation. Also, I would like to discuss literature with her. Many people think she was this dumb blond, but she was actually an avid reader and very intelligent. Something she had to hide from the public in order to keep up her persona. So let me rephrase that. I would like to chat with Marilyn Monroe, but I think the person I most want to talk to is Norma Jeane.

4.) To you, what are good qualities of a friend?

First I'd like to say that my friends are very important to me. There have been many times where I have been burned by a so-called friend, which has made me very thankful for those true friends that stick by you no matter what. Honesty is a must in a person. Sometimes it is difficult to tell the truth to someone, but without it, a friendship (or any relationship for that matter) will not survive. Reliability is also a big one. A friend should be there for you.... especially if you say you are going to be there. Any friends of mine have to have a good sense of humor! I like to make jokes (sometimes at their expense- but all in fun! Never mean ;P ) and my friends and I are always laughing!


5.) Your current feelings about facebook/tumblr?

I hate facebook! I wish I wasn't so addicted, otherwise I would delete my account. I just hate the fakeness of people on facebook. They say they are your "friends" but then don't do anything. And I hate how some ignorant slut can post a status about getting wasted everyday and she gets a thousand 'likes' and a billion comments. Then I post a status that is actually GOOD, is spelled PROPERLY, and has accurate grammar and I maybe get 1 'like' .... and that's on a GOOD day! Tumblr on the other hand is my new escape! I LOVE it there! I get way more love and appreciation from random strangers, than "friends" on facebook!


6.) Name your top 10 guilty pleasures.

~Music! I listen to something everyday and it always makes my day better!
~Ghost Adventures/Zak Bagans..... not much explanation is needed here!

THAT SMILE!!

~I like being alone. Not all the time! But I most certainly enjoy the time I have by myself.
~Old furniture! I love going antiquing and finding vintage and unique pieces of furniture. I'm kinda like Phoebe from 'Friends', I like my stuff to have a story instead of the mass produced stuff..... although I like some of that stuff too!
~Movies- I have an extensive movie collection that is always growing. I love being able to watch what I want, when I want.
~I am a gossip whore. I LOVE getting a new piece of juicy gossip! Now people probably won't tell me anything. but don't let that scare you off! If you don't have anything nice to say about someone, come sit by me!!
~I have a weakness for macaroni and cheese. It is THE best food that was ever invented. In fact, I think I'll have some now.
~Shoes are a guilty pleasure. Love looking at them in the store, on line, on a bus, on a plane ;) I not only have actual wearable shoes, but also have a shoe figurines/ornaments. All my shoes are hot hot hot! Especially my clear stripper ones!
~I love to sing and dance when no one is home. I crank the music, scream the lyrics, and dance as crazily as I want. It might look a little something like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2UVsyVLLcE
~I don't know if this qualifies as a guilty pleasure or an addiction but, when ever Quantum Leap is on (which is like never! Which is why I have it on dvd!) I MUST watch! It is my all time favorite show and I LOVEEEEEEEE it!!

7.) What would you do if you won the lottery?

First, I would pee in my pants. Then I would scream and jump around. Then I would change my underpants and do some laundry. After I had claimed my fortune, I would give some of it to charities/causes that I hold close to my heart. I would then proceed to buy a large house and furnish it with antiques. Then I would go shopping!! Pretty woman style!! Like this: 'Pretty Woman' Shopping Scene . I would then buy my way into Zak's heart ;)

Ok, that's it for now. Send me more questions and I will write some more! Hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing! Please leave any feedback! It is much appreciated! (Don't make me beg! PLEASE!)