I'm Ready For My Close Up!

What's up, Pinkettes? How ya doing? Is life treating you well? If you are reading this, you probably need a great pick me up kind of story. I am not sure if you will get that today, but I hope this post will at the very least make you smile and, dare I say, think a little bit. Nah, no thinking going on here.

So I'm sure most of you know that I went to the NKOTBSB (New Kids on the Block Backstreet Boys) concert on Friday. And can I just say that it was THE best concert of my entire life!!! My seats were not the greatest, but it didn't matter!! It was AMAZING!!! That is what sparked this blog. Most of my other friends that went (and by most I mean ALL) had AMAZING seats! So close that they were able to touch, hold hands with, or lick the chests of the guys. I was/am EXTREMELY JEALOUS of these people!! It made me wonder why I had never had the chance to meet any one famous! And then I remembered- I had...... what a disaster that was!

I layed in bed trying to think of places I could casually meet someone famous and then it occurred to me that there was one brief moment that I was in the presence of amazingness. But not a Hollywood hot shot. No, more like a hometown hero. That's right, I am referring to one of the best football players of all time (in my dumb little eyes).... JARED ALLEN!!! That was the best and most embarrassing moment all wrapped up in one fleeting moment. It all started in October of 2010. I had found out about a little show that he did, appropriately named "The Jared Allen Show". I also found out that these shows were taped every week in the Mall of America rotunda every week. Once I found all this information out, I realized that I HAD HAD HAD to go! Now the problem was finding willing participants to accompany me. Thankfully, my lovely roommates Lisa and Dee agreed to go with me (after many bribes and much pleading). We got all dressed up, me in my Allen jersey, and headed to what would be both great and horrible. We got there and found out that Jared would be signing autographs, but only 30 people would get one.... and you had to buy his cook book because that was the only thing he would sign. Needless to say, I HAD to get one so that I could meet him and get an autograph. So as the show progressed and the autograph signing got closer, my palms began to get very sweaty. Now, you should know that I had always thought that I would be cool, calm, and collected if I ever had the chance to come into contact with a celebrity of any sort. Well.... all I can say is that how things play out in your head and how things happen in reality are vastly different. So the time came for those lucky few people to meet Jared Allen. I got in line, shaking the entire time. The line was short and I didn't have a whole lot of time to think about it. Finally the time came to face my football hero. All the things that I had thought of saying to him if I ever got the chance to meet him left my brain and all I could do was smile and fight back tears. Oh yeah, and hand him the book to sign. But I couldn't even tell him what my name was so that he could personalize the autograph. I just stood there like a big fat dummy, smiling while he signed it. BUT he did smile that sexy Jared smile at me and I was able to eject a 'thank you'..... or so I thought.... I don't exactly know if that's what he heard, but that's what I intended to mutter.

I was thrilled to meet him, but was utterly embarrassed because I couldn't do or say anything that I wanted to. I like to think that in the future I can be composed and not gush, but if this experience is any indication, that won't happen.... I'll be utterly stupefied and mutter incoherently. But those are the stories that make life interesting, right? Meh. As long as I can say that I met them, I'm good.

At least I had wonderful friends to laugh at me! Hope you enjoyed and had a good laugh. If you or your famous friends need a laugh, feel free to introduce me. I'm sure I could turn into an idiot pretty quick! Thanks for reading!

I Can Hear the Bells

Hey there readers of this awesome blog! Do you like the new layout and design of my blog? Well, if you don't you can just go suck it! But seriously- if you see something that needs to be corrected, please let me know... I don't want to look like a fool! Well..... look like an even bigger fool! I wanted to find a more sophisticated design that was a better representation of me and what I wanted this blog to be. So what better than pink and colorful watercolors blending into one another. You could say that the colors running into each other is each and every story I tell that, when finished, complete a bigger picture that makes up my life. Ok, was that corny enough for you? I picked it because I liked the colors and it was more sophisticated than hummingbirds. But that crap about the colors and junk was actually pretty good, huh! So what shall we talk about today? A friend of mine sent me a link to another blog which was absolutely hilarious with stories and her drawings that illustrated her stories. Most of them were about her "slow" dog. There were some pretty funny things about that dog that seemed to be just like my old dog, Lucy. So that's where we will start. I think I owe you a good, funny story over those emotional ramblings! Here goes.

My dog Lucy was very... whats the word I'm looking for.... special. Don't get me wrong. She was the best companion and loved us with her entire soul and heart. She was always fed (sometimes she even got people food!), she had an abundance of toys, she had multiple beds to call her own (including the human beds), and as much as we tried to keep her off the furniture she was still able to claim a chair of her own. What a life for a dog, huh! Living in the lap of luxury! Despite all these perks in life, she still felt the need to try and escape every single time she was let outside. Yep. Escape. You see, at our old house, we had a fenced in yard but there were certain spots in the fence that Lucy knew of and she could easily slip through them. Because of this sad and unfortunate truth, she had to be on a chain when left outside alone. When we were outside and watching her, she could run around free but you had to make sure she stayed away from those vulnerable spots in the fence. And if you haven't read my other blogs, you should know that the second Lucy slipped through that fence hole, it was like she left her brain in the yard. All commands she had learned were non-existent (including come and stop!) as well as her name. That's right. You could chase her yelling "Come Lucy!!" or "Stop Lucy!!" or the last resort which the neighbors often heard when she got out "TREAT!!". It was like she was completely oblivious to everything. The only way we could get her back was if my dad would shake the green tin we kept her treats in. The hopes of this being that she would want a treat and come to get one. That or we would pile in the car to chase her and when we found her, we would open the door yelling "Wanna go bye-bye in the car?". Hoping to entice her for a ride! The whole process was very traumatic for me because the situation usually played out like this: Lucy would get out. I would cry because I knew how she acted beyond the fenced yard of safety. My mom would get pissed and say "Well, I'm not going after her. I guess she is gone forever". I would cry more because I loved her and wanted her back. Dad would reluctantly grab the tin of treats and her leash. He would begin the chase. Lucy was in the lead, followed by an irate balding fat man, who was then subsequently followed by a wailing child who, through sobs, would shout what ever my dad had just shouted. After lord knows how long, we would finally catch her. I would be happy. Dad would be tired. Mom would be embarrassed. She was a little shit in times like that, but we loved her. She also provided some amazing entertainment.

 

The three of us would chase each other through the neighborhood... not by choice...

 

So this next story happened when I was quite young, but still makes me laugh when ever I tell it or hear the story. I first have to tell you about my Aunt (my dad's sister) who had come for a visit. She had rheumatoid arthritis and required assistance in most aspects of her daily life. Walking was no exception. She was not as steady as you or I would be and was more prone to falling than the average person. That being said, you also need to know that Lucy loved to run really really fast around the outer perimeter of the yard. She would take multiple laps without stopping. I don't know how else to describe it, but it was hilarious (Elvis does a similar thing in the house! Sooo funny!).  Well if you are smart, you can probably put 2 and 2 together, but let me help those of you that are a little slower. My Aunt and Uncle decided to stop by for a visit and the were entering our yard. Lucy got really excited so she began to take her speedy laps around the yard. My aunt was walking in front of my uncle and when Lucy raced by her at the speed of light, she was startled and began her decent. Yep, she began to fall over. But due to the arthritis, she couldn't really brace herself so she fell like an old, dead tree! She landed on her side and could not get up. Before anyone had the chance to help her up, Lucy completed her laps and was so excited to see my aunt that she ran and stood on top of her like a mountain lion. Yeah. She stood on top of her, like she had just won a prize and was wagging her tail. She was just so happy that someone had come down to her level to play with her! Now, my mom was utterly shocked, mortified, and appalled. What did dad do? You guessed it! He started laughing! Ah, the king of inappropriate laughter! (Now you know where I get it!). You may be wondering about my uncle. Well, he started laughing, too! What else COULD he do, but laugh? Well, in retrospect he could have helped her up faster. When mom tells the story, she says that Aunt Marie was laying on the ground for a while. All I can think is, well YEAH she was laying there for a while! Everyone was too busy laughing at her!! Eventually my dad and my uncle helped her up. Of course they were laughing the entire time, but Lucy wasn't on top of her anymore and she wasn't on the ground. All in all it left us with a great story! Oh yeah, Aunt Marie was just fine, too! I wish we had pictures of that day! Lucy was a source of entertainment if nothing else!

My rendition of what went down that day! (I'm not good with paint on my computer- DON'T JUDGE ME!)

So there you go folks! A wonderful story to pass along to all your friends! I hope you have enjoyed reading these stories as much as I have enjoyed sharing them with you! As always, I thank you for taking the time to read what I write! Also, I am more than willing to cover any topics that you would like to suggest!! AND for those of you that would like to share these stories, I have added a "Share" gadget on the bottom of all my blogs, so click that button to share this on facebook and/or twitter! Thanks my little pinkettes!

Two little shits for the price of one!

Let's go COW tipping!

Hello all! Have you missed me? Probs not... My last blog was kind of a flop... I am beginning to think I am uninteresting!! But that isn't the case, is it? Is it because you want me to air more of my dirty laundry?? How about some more super secret things that I don't tell ANYONE?? Yeah? Have I got your attention now? Well, I guess that is what I am being FORCED to write about! ;) Not that I mind or anything!

So lets see.... what could I possibly tell you about me that you don't already know? Here are a few things:

1.) I am a super famous celebrity (in my head), and when I go out in public I often wonder why there aren't more paparazzi following me.

2.) No one has ever gotten me flowers and I wonder why. At this point I would settle for a single flower (pink carnations are my favorite **hint hint**)

3.) I'm afraid I will end up alone, and won't have any children.

4.) As hard as I try, I just can't seem to stop thinking about you and wonder if you ever think of me (do you know who you are?)

5.) I get nervous before doing anything. I should own a portion of stock in the Pepto Bismol company.... or at least I could be the spokeswoman.

6.) I have regrets, but I can honestly say that I am working on confronting them and making them right.

7.) I harbor jealous thoughts against anyone who lived through the period of 1950-1980. I could actually include the '40's in that but I don't want to seem too jealous.

8.) I harbor jealous thoughts against any female that is lucky enough to come within 5 feet of Zak Bagans.... but that's no secret.

9.) I have a secret desire to become a chef and win Hell's Kitchen... but Gordon Ramsay scares me.

10.) I'm afraid to get too close to people cuz I'm afraid they will leave me... everyone else has, so prove to me that you will stay.

11.) Sometimes I wish I looked as good as I feel. And then there are days I feel like shit and match :p

12.) Are you paranoid? Well, are you? (only certain people will get that ;-) )

13.) Music is my saving grace... I can find/listen to any song  that matches my mood but the simple act of listening changes me at my core. It's like the music speaks to my soul.

14.) I have a reoccurring dream about being in the time period of Little House on the Prairie in which I am outside hanging up laundry and all of a sudden I see a tornado. Everyone else is able to run into the house but when I try to run, I can't. It's like my body hit a wall. I don't know what it means... if anyone is a dream interpreter- let me know!

15.) Sometimes I write messages containing my real feelings for people and then delete them instead of sending them.

16.) Sometimes I feel like a disappointment to people. Like I have let them down or not met the standards they have for me. Especially my family.

17.) I admit it.... when I'm home alone, I crank up the music and dance around in heels.... and only heels...... It gets a little awkward now that we have Elvis... pervert.

18.) I have a crush on Zach Galifianakis... in a mountain man sort of way. (Yes I googled how to spell his name)

19.) I rarely feel pretty.

20.) I love when people tell me I'm funny. It makes me feel good knowing that I can make people smile :-)

So there you go.... 20 more facts about me. Some are heart felt while others are lighthearted. I hope you learned something about me and can talk to me about it. I love to hear any feedback from ANYBODY... feel free to leave a comment here, on facebook, or send me a private message. I value each and every reader! Thanks for the support!