Last week I came to a realization that I was wasting my time liking someone who obviously didn't like me. My eyes had been opened and let's put it nicely- I was crushed. But I guess it was my own doing. I had built this false relationship up in my head, misread signals, and just made a fool of myself. And if I can be frank- I had been making a fool out of myself for a while over this one person. I was stupid enough to believe that he might actually like me. I am able to see that now. But then I was talking to some friends about it and they all gave me similar advice that I'd like to share with you. Both told me not to settle. That I deserve the best. Yes, this is true. (I'd like to add that I would NOT be settling by choosing this guy. He is a MAJOR step up from what I've been with in the past). To be totally honest all I could think of was what's so wrong with me that no one wants to be with me? I just don't understand. Is it my humor? Am I too opinionated? Am I just too gorgeous for you? ;-) But it's not me. People just don't seem to be able to see the good things I have to offer, all the love I have. I keep thinking of a line of a song- "What can you do when your good isn't good enough? When all that you touch tumbles down. My best intentions keep making a mess of things. I just want to fix it somehow. But how many times will it take for me to get it right?" I guess where I'm going with this is- nothing I do seems to be the right thing any more. I just want people to see the good things about me and look past my flaws. No, not look past. See, embrace, and love me despite those flaws. No one's perfect. I get that. I just wish other people would recognize that and stop chasing the "perfect" one. Because I have feelings too. I may mask those feelings with humor, but I still have those feelings. And here's a message to any young men reading (or young women)- actions speak louder than words. In more ways than one. Whether it be a positive OR a negative action. And let me say- they hurt. Be aware of what you do (or don't do for that matter). Maybe I'm just a nut ball. I don't know any more. Despite all my friends' advice I still feel like I'm missing something. Like I'm being left out in the cold somehow. I know I'm not the only young woman to feel this way but why do I feel so..... alone. I recently talked to an old friend about this very topic. We talked about how no matter how many friends you are surrounded by, you can still feel alone. I guess at this point in my life I don't feel alone necessarily..... I feel like something (someone) is missing. God, I feel like I'm making a desperate plea! Am I coming across desperate?? Cuz I'm not! Well, maybe a little bit! ;-) I just tell myself that I have standards and I'm not lowering them for anyone (err... again!). I did once and lord knows how crappy that turned out! And that's putting it lightly.
Friends tell me that I need to be bold and make the first move with guys I like. But I'm old fashioned in that sense. I want them to ask me out. Maybe it stems for horrible past experiences where I was the one who made the first move. Maybe it stems from the fact that I let my insecurities dictate my life. I'm always afraid I'm being judged by the one I want. What I need to do, what everyone needs to do, is be who they truly are and not be afraid. Easier said than done, right?! But I'm trying. Which is more than I can say for a lot of people in the world who cannot be who they really are for fear of persecution or fear of rejection. I guess my progress has come with starting this blog. It is a way to express who I really am and to give people a deeper look into my soul (wow, that sounds both deep and corny at the same time). But it's true. Sometimes I get nervous about a posting because it contains something I have told so few people but then the feedback I get is awesome and makes me want to keep on doing what I do. But there are also the disappointments. I'm not saying I'm disappointed with the blog but sometimes there are moments when people just don't seem to get it. I don't know how to word it exactly. I'm kinda disappointed that so few of you "like" me on facebook! ;-) Maybe my head is just a little too big but I'm almost certain that there are more than 17 of you that read my blog! (I know because I can see how many people look at each blog). In case you have missed it, here is the link--> http://www.facebook.com/pages/Blogger-Extraordinaire-Marys-Pink-Ambition/188354237870566
All you have to do is follow the link and hit that "LIKE" button! And if you have already liked me, follow the link just to make sure! You have no idea how much it means to me to see you all enjoying something that I do. Seriously, I've never done anything that so many people have payed attention to and I am just so grateful for all the people that read and ENJOY my postings. Ok, enough with the commercials and what not. So what was I saying? Ah, yes. Be who you are. Stop wasting your time pretending to be someone you are not. If I have learned anything in my short 22 years of life it is that you have to cherish the time that we have been given. You never know when it could all come to a screaming halt. Live for today and do what you want. That's what I'm trying to do and I hope you will too. Because after all, if you really think about it, each day we get closer to the end and that's one day you don't get back. I know I don't want to look back on my life and wonder why I was so afraid. I want to look back and say "Damn, that was awesome!". And since starting this blog, I have had new experiences and made changes to express the true me- if you couldn't tell! ;-) So, I guess that's where I will leave you. I hope this hasn't been just a bitch session and you learned something different. As always, thanks so much for taking the time to read this and always remember- any feedback is greatly appreciated and cherished. Even if you post a comment that simply says HI! Thanks! Peace out!
Crap! I always forget about the picture thing. Do my readers even enjoy them? Or am I wasting space by posting them? Please let me know one way or the other! THANKS!
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