My last couple of posts have been of the humor variety, but I think it's time to get serious for a moment and share with you what is currently going on in my life. It is not all sunshine, rainbows, and lollipops. No, in fact there are no lollipops or candy of any kind.... which would make any normal person freak out. (Unless you don't like candy, which if that's the case, please leave and never come back. You are no friend of mine). Any who, I guess I was getting to the serious mumbo jumbo.
Well, as most of you know, my family has encountered it's fair share of challenges, and this is just one more that we will face together. You see, for a while now, my uncle has faced some serious health issues and is once again faced with a major health crisis. He was diagnosed with CHF (congestive heart failure) a while ago and, maybe because I am a nurse and know how serious the disease is, just put that diagnosis on the back burner and didn't realize how ill he truly was. That was until several weeks ago. He went to the doctor and they told him he had but months to live. UNLESS they took drastic measures. Drastic, as in a heart transplant. A heart transplant. You know, where they cut out his old heart (so during the surgery he won't even have a freaking heart inside his body), and put in a new one.... well not new... "previously owned"... you know, I'm not really sure of the proper terminology here. The thing is, he can't just get on the list for a new heart. He has to qualify. And for that to happen, he needs to have a different surgery to prolong his life so that he can have the heart transplant. Hopefully all the tests he is going through will come out with good news so that he can have the first surgery.
I can only imagine what he, my aunt, and cousin are going through because I know I am having a difficult time coping with this news. Primarily because he has been the father figure in my life for so long and I don't know what I would do if I lost another person so very important to me. It has also been very VERY difficult being so far away while all this is going on. I feel like I could be doing more for my family if I was back in the cities. I mean, what good is it having a nurse in the family if I am hundreds of miles away. In reality, I probably couldn't be doing much more than what I'm doing here, but at least I would have that peace of mind. It's something I struggle with a lot. I just want to be there with my family, figuring out things together. I just wish there was something more I could do... Truth is- I'm scared shit-less. Scared for my uncle, for my family, for my sanity. I mean, a person can only handle so many losses. I wish I could explain to you how truly terrified I am, but there are no words. The only thing I can do is stay positive, hope for the best, and take comfort in the fact that he is seeing doctors in the top of their field. I DO have to say that through all of this, my uncle has most certainly not lost that spark! He keeps smiling and making people laugh and I absolutely love spending time with him. He is probably the funniest person in the family and if I can make HIM laugh, then I feel just freaking fantastic. I'm just thankful that he is still the comedic genius in the family... well, genius might be a stretch ;) Humor has, and will ALWAYS be my family's favorite coping mechanism!
In the long run, I know this scary and uncertain adventure will do what it always does- bring this family even closer together. Moments like this open your eyes to the important things in life. They also help you see through those insignificant thoughts and worries. Life could always be worse.
Sorry if this wasn't the type of blog you were expecting, but I just couldn't keep these feelings inside anymore. Thanks for reading.
